Love & Regret..part 1

Excerpts journaled in August 2010.

How can I be feeling so much emotion so quickly over someone I've just met?

What is it about him that has made me feel this way?  It is like the minute he touched my hand and pulled me close to him I was gone.  The words we spoke, the kisses and the intimacy was all beautiful and now in the cold light of day was it all just a drunken fling on his part?  I am usually so good at keeping emotions in check, a snog or one night stand is just that, no emotion involved, usually not wanting to see them again but this time I wanted something and he, I thought, wanted the same....have I somehow managed to fall for someone who doesn't return my affections?

 What is it about this one that has captured my heart, why am I so emotional over such a short daliance?  It's amazing how a moment in time can have such an impact and I know those moments are rare when two single people meet and sparks seems to fly....I've finally opened up my heart again and it appears to have been broken already.....For a long time my heart has been closed and now I've invited someone in which is really saying something and it may have been rebuffed...I am already facing the realisation that my heart, now open, has been torn in two within 24 hours!....I guess in the next few days I'll know either way.....tbc...

Love or Lust

This morning I actually asked myself the question, what is it that I really want?
I keep saying I want a committed long term relationship yet the guys I am attracted to are aged between 18-30 and I am 44 (its rare my age gets placed at over 30 though!). So once again, what is it that I'm really looking for?
I'd hate to think I was going through some sort of early mid life crises and was just fulfilling a self esteem/confidence need as i am happy with myself and in all honestly I don't even need to try with these young guys as well. 

The age of the Cougar means I only need to look sideways at a young guy and they are instantly hooked, and I'm not complaining but i wonder am I just lapping it up in case like everything, older women, younger men becomes a fad of the past?
I have met some fabulous guys who are the "right" age for me but that attraction is just not there in the physical sense although they have become some of my closest friends.
So am I one of these women who is destined to remain single, have great older male friends and young guys for lovers...
I guess I will persevere with the dating sites and social networking etc to try to find a "suitable" aged person for a relationship but in the meantime I can continue to keep my roving eye on all those young hot cubs that love the cougar :-)

Melbourne Trams

People really are fascinating and now that I've joined those who live in the suburbs and have to catch trams everyday, I'm finding the idiosyncrasies of the general public can actually give me some amusement for my journey to and from work.
I do have to wonder though, why those with these rather peculiar habits have to choose to sit near me all the time.
Take the 50+ male who sat opposite me last week, dressed in very short bright blue shorts, matching t-shirt covered in badges that we used to wear as teenagers, and thongs, one of which was blue, the other black.

He proceeded to get a little book out,  marking down the tram he was on, so I immediately thought, okay you're a tram spotter and thats cool but then I started to observe other odd things that made me concur that he was a little bit different. He had a drink bottle with stickers on it, not barbie but something similar that a young girl would put on things, these stickers also adorned his keyring! Are we getting the picture!

His mannerisms then started getting perculiar, he was emptying his backpack, but he wouldn't just remove things gently, they were all yanked out with force and slapped down, he even pulled out a peg, examined it for longer a moment and slapped it down!
His last act of strangeness was his way reading the newspaper, with pen in hand, as he read something he crossed all the way through it with very swift strokes.
He ended his journey at the Bourke Street Mall and I wondered what the throng of shoppers would think of this strange individual or as Melbournites are used to eccentricity whether no one even gave him a second look!

New Years Eve!

Well I thought I'd start my Blog with a ramble about New Years Eve! 

You know that night when you're meant to leave the old year behind with a bang or at least start the new one with a bang..well i didnt get the bang I was after ;-) but I still had an awesome time!

New Years Eve to me is usually such a non event, all hype and no fulfilling end, so this year I headed to the country town of Stawell where I'd been spending a lot of time recently as my sister was the Publican of the local pub and who would have thought that a NYE in Stawell would be better than all the ones I've spent in London and Melbourne!

It wasn't without it's dramas of course, small country town, love triangles and all that..lol..but whats a NYE without tears, tantrums and tiaras, oh no thats an Elton John thing..more like drunken ramblings, pouting and sandshoes!